He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
