Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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