dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize