I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
