I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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