Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize