I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
