Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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