Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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