i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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