Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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