the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
