I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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