Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize