hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
