I just saw a hot homeless man
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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