It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize