Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
