This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
