After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
