Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize