im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
