Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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