Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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