we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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