I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
