AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
