They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
