Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
