I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
