you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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