Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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