Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
