VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
