Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
