....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
