Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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