apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
