No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
