they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my shit smells like andre
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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