Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
