After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
