Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
