I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is my gift to your gina
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
