I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
