Having a random hookup so left but love u
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
