i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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