Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
