Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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