No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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