oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize