Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
