it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
