OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
