So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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