I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
