my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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