I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
