No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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