Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
