Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
