first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
