yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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