turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
