Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
