So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize