Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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