he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize