Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
