we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
as a side note pls kill me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
