Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
