Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
