She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
