it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
