hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
