If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
