I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize