party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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