mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
