somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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