she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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