There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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