i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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