Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize