Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
