I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
