we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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