im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I die, sorry about rent.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
