yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I believe in your delicious
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
