Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
