after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
