see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
