omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize