shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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