I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
