It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
