You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
