my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
