YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
