nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize