if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
