sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
