do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
