she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
