Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
