I smell stomach acid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am midnight drunk by noon
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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