I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
