Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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