apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
