He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
