Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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